Oh. My. Gah.

In the spirit of Halloween (presumably) Speidi has decided to dress up like Jon and Kate Gosselin for a completely unstage, spur of the moment photo op. Now, I've never seen the show so I could be way off here, but does Kate really wear a shirt with her picture on it or does Heidi just assume everyone is as self-centered as herself?

This is the closest Heidi could get to having kids with Spencer. And for the sake of humanity, let's hope it stays that way.

Audrina Patridge picks up a hooker

And a cheap one at that.
Oh wait, nevermind. It's just Heidi Montag filming an episode of the Hills. Honest mistake.

Well, not so much mistake as completely dead-on. Afterall, Heidi won't leave the house without being paid.

"You want canteloupe for breakfast, Spence? Call the paps, tell them I'll be at the Acme on N Hollywood in 10 minutes, I want $500k."

"It's my sister's birthday? Hey Holly, how much will I be getting for this? What, nothing? You want me to celebrate your birthday with you in public for free?! Sorry, I'm sick. Cough cough. Happy birthday."

"Adam Divello won't allow me to walk around naked for the show? Does he think this chest paid for itself?! Call Hef!"
(In case you didn't already know...she doesn't get nude...pile on the contradiction.)

Kristin to blame for Hills Failure...Hmm...Or maybe...

...MTV producers are to blame...or the increasing intelligence of fans...or the overexposure of the Hills cast...or the poor decision to move the show to Tuesday nights...or Spencer and Heidi's existence...

All in all Kristin Cavallari is the least of The Hills' problems. If anything, she's the only thing worth holding onto.

Let's face it. Fans watch the Hills for the drama. The drama that is life-like and relatable. Lauren got boring. She was living her life off-film but in front of the paps. So we all knew what was going on, but it wasn't to be admitted to us.

The Hills targets a female audience between the ages of 16ish-24ish. Not many people in that age group can relate to Spencer and Heidi. Their storyline is the man making all the decisions, and the woman pretendeing to care without actually going against her husband's wishes. Welcome to the 18th century Heidi! If a man married me, then signed a yearly lease for an "bachelor pad" when we're looking to own real estate, then told me I wasn't allowed to have kids or else he'd divorce me...many things would happen. Submission would not be one of them. That's what annulments were created for. Get with it Barbie.

The decision has been made. The full blame for decreasing viewership of The Hills has been placed on Heidi Montag.