Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Life at the Mansion:
- Living and fornicating with a 83 year old man.
- Never allowed to leave the house without giving a detailed plan of where she would be at all times.
- Coming in last to the old man's other 2 girlfriends.
- Never had to be responsible for cooking or cleaning or bettering herself in general.
- Paid $1000 a week paycheck for her "job" as a girlfriend...I think there's a word for that?
- Have mini-mansions on both coasts.
- Dating a man her own age.
- Hank's only girlfriend.
- Marriage isn't a forbidden subject.
- Can have spontaneous sex without medicine.
- Husband is young enough for kids.
- The list goes on
- and on
- and on
So what's the problem Patti? Are you mad that you can't live vicariously through the life of a playmate anymore? Do you miss being catered to on the few occasions where Kendra was allowed to have guests? Do you not have enough faith in your daughter to take care of herself and be in a committed relationship?
As a matter of fact, were you the bum I saw sleeping right outside of the mansion gates? Take what you can get Patti, because without Kendra, you wouldn't have that new face and all the perks you get from her allowance. I've got it! You're afraid that the baby will get your share of Kendra's income? Well get with it woman. You're last week's leftovers.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Moving on...Mo spends the entire episode worrying about her older sister whom she has never met. She gets ahold of her phone number and makes plans to meet for lunch. The phone conversation is not caught on film, and when Mo is left alone at the restaurant, she is only informed via text message (45 minutes after meeting time). I'm beginning to think that this is all a part of Kita's master plan. She realized after last week that something would have to change if she was going to be with Terrell. So she dupes Mo into staying home, somehow gets rid of Pablo and ends up on a romantic date with Terrell in the middle of Niagara Falls. Of course, she puts on a huge scene, pretending that she doesn't want to go on the boat, but I see right through this act. Terrell in turn, picks her up and carries her onto the boat, where she holds onto him for dear life. Not very subtle, as even TO starts to pick up on it and tells her to shut up and act like she's been in public before. Very nice. She needed to be told.
After the boat ride, she surprises her "client" when she tells him they'll be spending the night nearby. They pull up to a tiny little bed & breakfast, where the old couple tells them they are completely booked except for 1 room. Of course. Plan is in action and Kita tells the couple and TO that she misunderstood but that they would deal with it. Until she realizes there is 2 beds and she still won't get to sleep with him. Perhaps realizing what she is up to, Terrell insists they stay so that Kita won't have a chance to find a 1 bed room. I am happy to say his standards are higher than I thought and I hope Kita gets canned for this little stunt. Leave her in Buffalo while you go ho it up in LA, TO!
Can't wait to see what happens next week when Mo finds out about Kita's little scheme. Mo could definitely take her.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Happy List
- Pink & Carey Hart (Pink gets on my nerves and she's an angry little thing...but they make a cute couple and any married couple that legally seperates and then reunites is definitely on the happy list.)
- Kendra & Hank (Again, I'm an Eagles fan, but also an avid Girls Next Door fan and a huge follower of their new show. I love them together and while they seem to be opposites, I really hope they last.)
- Brian Austin Green & Megan Fox (I don't think these 2 are technically even together right now...but they're photographed holding hands every now and then...which means there's a chance! Some people may hate, but I'm a huge fan of 90210 reruns and David Silver bagging Megan Fox is huge! I hope it happens. Please God.)
Britney & KFed (Again, not technically together, but photographed once in a while. Kids are involved. Even though KFed might be a druggie and Brit is a psycho...it's better that they see the kids together than each get them alone.)
- Ashton & Demi [They've already outlived the Hollywood record of longest marriages (approximately) and I love how they're one big happy family with Bruce Willis. Even though her kids are old enough to be Ashton's mistress...they make it work and I wish them the best.]
- Sarah Michelle & Freddie Prinze (Anyone that actually spends their time on their relationship rather than seeing how much publicity you can get from it deserves to be together.)
- Teresa Giudice $ Joe Giudice (No that $ is not a typo. Real Housewives of NJ for those of you who don't know. They're wonderful. So in love, 3 beautiful daughters...I want to adopt Gia...deserve to be together for life.)
- Speidi [Any couple that refers to themselves as one, and in the third person, deserve to be humiliated and not allowed in public. Also, as I own every season of the Hills (they were all gifts...as well as on my wish list for every holiday/birthday), I get the immediate before and after clips of Heidi and, although she was kind of ditzy and unmotivated before Spencer...she's just a whore after. I hope she dumps him and gets her original face and body back and he is never to be spoken of again. In fact, I hope he is forced to wear her new nose and boobs as punishment.]
- Brangelina (Angelina's a whore. Can you tell I'm not a fan of infidelity? And Jen is so much better for him. Anyone who disagrees is a whore also.)
- Lauren Conrad and Kyle Howard [as much as I would like to see Lauren happy in a relationship for once...I just don't see it happening. She's still too young (10 days older than me...we share a sign, jealous?) This is only her first off-cam relationship. That's basically equivalent to a 7th grade relationship. You think it's real because it's the first time you feel anything (down there and otherwise) but she'll move on. Plus..that whole thing about Ryan Gosling hitting on her at a bar and Kyle wanting to fight the guy...PLEASE! Talk about 7th grade relationship. Sorry if not EVERYONE knows who you are and follow who you're dating, Lauren. Maybe he just thought you were some easy chick at a bar. (LOVE YOU LC)]
- Robo-Tomkat (It's just unnatural. She used to dream about him as a child. Really? That's what gets you going Tom? Are you even straight? Please stop reproducing for the sake of the America turning into that Will Smith robot movie.)
These are the couples I'm most opinionated about. Stay stuned to this post as it will be updated frequently. Also, opinions in agreement or disagreement are welcome as always.
But seriously. Your daughter has shut you out. You cry and cry and drip mascara tears all over the cameras, but you refuse to cut ties with your boy toy. This gets my wheels spinning. My first question is: Are you crying when the cameras aren't rolling? I initially thought yes because why wouldn't you wear waterproof makeup if you knew it would be running down your face in mass quantities. But then! I realized...you saw how much attention LC's mascara tear got on the Hills and you tried to up your stock. Well played Linda Hogan, well played.
Brooke. You used to be on my nerves..ALOT.. but since your song came out mocking Heidi Montag you went up in my book (it's a lime green spiral notebook from CVS where I rank my favorite celebrities in a variety of categories..Brooke is now number 3 under "Creative Ways to mock Speidi. 1 and 2 are Jonah Hill and LC, respectively). Anyway...Brooke, how are you ok with your dad dating your clone but you shun your mom for doing the same? Isn't that just as sick? To be fair, Hulk's female friend is 31 so she's allowed to stay out past 11pm...but she looks IDENTICAL to Brooke. Doesn't that make it pretty even? Maybe Charlie was your boyfriend first and that's the real reason you're not speaking to your mom?? Hmm...the plot thickens.
I have 3 predictions for the finale of Brooke Knows Best.
- Charlie and BrookeNumberTwo meet and fall in love, thus bringing the family back together and making room for Hulk to know better than Brooke again.
- Charlie calls Linda by Brooke's name and she realizes that he thought she was Brooke this whole time. Then Linda and Hulk get back together and adopt BrookeNumberTwo because BrookeNumberOne leaves the fam for Charlie.
- Hulk accidentally sleeps with Brooke, thinking she is BrookeNumberTwo, and they get married, making the title of the next season "Hulk and Brooke Together Know Best, Well at Least Better, Ok Maybe Worst."
What's your take?
Sidenote: How old is Brooke's roommate Glenn? I thought he was around 20-22, MAYBE 23. Because he is best friends/lives with 2 girls of that age. But now his ex (and only) girlfriend makes an appearance and she looks like she is 35! And then the girls mention the "80s prom picture." Is Glenn 40?? I am so confused but somehow this makes so much sense give the Hogan history with age. All the more hypocritical of Brooke. Linda should just tell Brooke that Charlie is her gay roommate.