Search This Blog

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Speidi Goes to Space

Ever since Spencer and Heidi Pratt have been banned from the E! Network, they've appeared in the media very little. I was beginning to think that we had actually heard the last from them. And when Spencer wrote on his twitter that all his fame-hunger was for nothing and that he was going to live only for his wife and God from here on out...I got even more excited. In fact, when I recently heard the word "Speidi" I actually jumped up on the table thinking there was a bug in the room. But my hopes have just been shattered. Turns out this was all apart of their elaborate scheme to be back on tabloid covers again.
They no doubt felt shocked and defeated when they googled themselves and came up with nothing. So when Conan O'Brien recently mentioned Spencer's name, you can bet the deviously dumb duo jumped all over it.

Conan: "Big week for NASA. Despite all the publicity about the moon landing, a recent survey finds that only 29 percent of Americans support NASA sending a manned mission to Mars. Of course, that figure goes up to 90 percent if that man is Spencer Pratt."

Spencer: "I just heard Conan Obrien said that people wantto send me to Mars!? If NASA let's me I will do a reality show of Speidi moving to mars"

Deal! Let's give them a fisher price camera (it's amazing how real children's toys look these days) and tell them it's going to be like Britney's self-filmed "Chaotic." And when the rocket ship spontaneously combusts the second they step out...well...I guess that's that.

Wait. It gets better. Not only are they proposing a reality show to take place in space (any idea on how they plan on filming in Mars and in LA for the Hills simultaneously?), they are actually, seriously, truly, really writing a book on how to become famous. For real.

"I hope once the Speidi written book 'How to Be Famous!' that comes out this fall people will hate less because we shared the blue print. After 'How to Be Famous' hits stores you will have no excuse to be jealous of Speidi fame for 'nothing.' Go get your own fame it's easy!"

I was sent an advanced copy of the book..Here it is in it's entirety:

Chapter 1: Get a plastic face and bleach your hair blonde. (It's easier to smile for long periods of time without hurting your cheek muscles. And the paps photograph you more if you smile pretty.)

Chapter 2: Sign up for any and all reality shows that will hire you. (Scripted television is way hard. You have to read good.)

Chapter 3: Call Reporters and give them quotes on anything that is currently in the news (politics, alien abduction, etc.)

Chapter 4: Start feuds with all of your friends. (Drama keeps you on magazine covers. Plus who needs friends once you're famous?)

Chapter 5: Be born to rich parents (You have to be able to afford looking pretty while being unemployed. Jobs take away from fame.)

Chapter 6: Make friends with only people who own cameras. (They can take "exclusive" photos of you and give you half of the profit when they sell the photos to US Weekly.)

The End!

Disclaimer: This is how to get famous with no talent. If you have talent, then why are you reading this book?

I just saved everyone $7.50 and a trip to the discount racks at Walmart. You're welcome. Go get your fame.

No comments:

Post a Comment