Search This Blog

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

An Open Letter to Spencer Pratt

Dear Spencer,

I would like you to know that I hold you accountable for the fame and success of MTV's Jersey Shore. Thanks to your book How to be Famous (which I have not read but I'm sure there's someone associated with the MTV casting department that has), the castmates and/or casting directors realized that pompous arrogance and foolish behavior is what sells. And for this Spencer, I thank you. Thank you for bringing awareness to the fist-pumping roid-heads of the world who will continue to bring us shameless entertainment for months (years: fingers crossed) to come.

Pop Intern

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Year, New Blog

I resolve to make 2010 a blog-worthy year. It will start with a makeover and end with daily posts keeping the world simultaneously updated and entertained.
I have to say I was not too impressed with the last few months of 2009. Mainly because Spencer Pratt has fallen out of the public eye. But then I realized that with every door that is closed, a tanned, Italian, shirtless window is fist-pumped. So my withdrawal has been cured, friends. Prepare to reap the benefits of a Spence-less blog. I will begin with an open letter to previously mentioned closed door.

Hail 2010!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Oh. My. Gah.

In the spirit of Halloween (presumably) Speidi has decided to dress up like Jon and Kate Gosselin for a completely unstage, spur of the moment photo op. Now, I've never seen the show so I could be way off here, but does Kate really wear a shirt with her picture on it or does Heidi just assume everyone is as self-centered as herself?
This is the closest Heidi could get to having kids with Spencer. And for the sake of humanity, let's hope it stays that way.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Audrina Patridge picks up a hooker

And a cheap one at that.
Oh wait, nevermind. It's just Heidi Montag filming an episode of the Hills. Honest mistake.

Well, not so much mistake as completely dead-on. Afterall, Heidi won't leave the house without being paid.

"You want canteloupe for breakfast, Spence? Call the paps, tell them I'll be at the Acme on N Hollywood in 10 minutes, I want $500k."

"It's my sister's birthday? Hey Holly, how much will I be getting for this? What, nothing? You want me to celebrate your birthday with you in public for free?! Sorry, I'm sick. Cough cough. Happy birthday."

"Adam Divello won't allow me to walk around naked for the show? Does he think this chest paid for itself?! Call Hef!"
(In case you didn't already know...she doesn't get nude...pile on the contradiction.)

Monday, October 26, 2009

Kristin to blame for Hills Failure...Hmm...Or maybe...

...MTV producers are to blame...or the increasing intelligence of fans...or the overexposure of the Hills cast...or the poor decision to move the show to Tuesday nights...or Spencer and Heidi's existence...
All in all Kristin Cavallari is the least of The Hills' problems. If anything, she's the only thing worth holding onto.

Let's face it. Fans watch the Hills for the drama. The drama that is life-like and relatable. Lauren got boring. She was living her life off-film but in front of the paps. So we all knew what was going on, but it wasn't to be admitted to us.

The Hills targets a female audience between the ages of 16ish-24ish. Not many people in that age group can relate to Spencer and Heidi. Their storyline is the man making all the decisions, and the woman pretendeing to care without actually going against her husband's wishes. Welcome to the 18th century Heidi! If a man married me, then signed a yearly lease for an "bachelor pad" when we're looking to own real estate, then told me I wasn't allowed to have kids or else he'd divorce me...many things would happen. Submission would not be one of them. That's what annulments were created for. Get with it Barbie.

The decision has been made. The full blame for decreasing viewership of The Hills has been placed on Heidi Montag.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Apology to the Fans

I want to express my sincerest regret for keeping all my devoted readers (read: my sister and boyfriend) waiting anxiously on the edge of their seats for my next post. Things have been a little crazy since summer ended and I plan on getting back on track starting immediately.

I will start by letting you all know how depressed I am about Hank Baskett's departure from the Philadelphia Eagles. Without Hank on the team, my chances of meeting Kendra are next to none. Hank will now be playing for the Indianapolis Colts, therefore relocating his family to Indiana. There is no chance Kendra will be ok with this transition. She is a born city dweller damnit! I predict that she will have a talk with Andy Reid, let him know what's up, and live in Philadelphia forever so she and I can be neighbors and best friends.

Kendra has yet to comment about the trade on her blog, BUT she did post last Friday about her birthday present to Hank.

I took [Hank's car] to XTREME Auto Interiors in Roslyn, PA just outside of Philly. The owner, John, has done work for many of the Eagles players and we had heard good things about him, so that’s why we chose him for the job.

This place is 4 miles from my house. The car is still there being worked on. I know what I'm doing this weekend!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Kourtney and Khloe take Coke..err..I mean…Miami

Kourtney signed up for a painting class, a nude painting class, a nude painting class with giant balls in her face that she can't help but giggle at, a nude painting class with giant balls in her face that she can't help but giggle at with a lesbian that asks her name. Um..see that camera with “Kourtney and Khloe take Miami” printed on the side?” Yea, that would be Kourtney. Good job being completely out of touch with “reality.”
Meanwhile, Khloe, who hid cocaine that she “found,” in her purse, as previously reported on Popcorn Etc… decides “Hey! What a good idea! Let me bring it out on the air during my radio station and pretend to get high. Yea I’m on probation, but it’s cool.” She gets reprimanded mid-show and suspended from the air.
Later, while summarizing for Kourt, she details that she “just threw it in my bag because I didn’t want people to think it was mine.” Wow. You’re smart.
Kourtney admits to fooling around with girls, and they toast to their new “relationship.” Khloe and the Dash manager immediately assume Kourtney’s a lesbo. Which is then confirmed when Kourt tells the girls that her new friend is also attracted to girls and they’re going out on a date. They make out and she vows never to talk to Les again. What a dude.

She eventually decides to go back to the nude painting class. This time, it’s a nude woman. I think. Kourtney tells Les that she’s not bisexual but still wants to be friends. Do you hook up with guys before telling them you’re not interested but "let’s hang out?" I have a feeling that’s not the last we’ll see of Lesbian. Either that or Kourtney really is a dude and she gave the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, before never talking to Lesbian again. Well played, Kourt, well played.
Oh, and Kourtney’s show is back on the air. Didn’t see that coming (except in every preview on E!).