Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Oh wait, nevermind. It's just Heidi Montag filming an episode of the Hills. Honest mistake.
Well, not so much mistake as completely dead-on. Afterall, Heidi won't leave the house without being paid.
"You want canteloupe for breakfast, Spence? Call the paps, tell them I'll be at the Acme on N Hollywood in 10 minutes, I want $500k."
"It's my sister's birthday? Hey Holly, how much will I be getting for this? What, nothing? You want me to celebrate your birthday with you in public for free?! Sorry, I'm sick. Cough cough. Happy birthday."
"Adam Divello won't allow me to walk around naked for the show? Does he think this chest paid for itself?! Call Hef!"
(In case you didn't already know...she doesn't get nude...pile on the contradiction.)
Monday, October 26, 2009
Let's face it. Fans watch the Hills for the drama. The drama that is life-like and relatable. Lauren got boring. She was living her life off-film but in front of the paps. So we all knew what was going on, but it wasn't to be admitted to us.
Friday, September 18, 2009
I will start by letting you all know how depressed I am about Hank Baskett's departure from the Philadelphia Eagles. Without Hank on the team, my chances of meeting Kendra are next to none. Hank will now be playing for the Indianapolis Colts, therefore relocating his family to Indiana. There is no chance Kendra will be ok with this transition. She is a born city dweller damnit! I predict that she will have a talk with Andy Reid, let him know what's up, and live in Philadelphia forever so she and I can be neighbors and best friends.
Kendra has yet to comment about the trade on her blog www.kendrawilkinson.celebuzz.com, BUT she did post last Friday about her birthday present to Hank.
I took [Hank's car] to XTREME Auto Interiors in Roslyn, PA just outside of Philly. The owner, John, has done work for many of the Eagles players and we had heard good things about him, so that’s why we chose him for the job.
This place is 4 miles from my house. The car is still there being worked on. I know what I'm doing this weekend!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Meanwhile, Khloe, who hid cocaine that she “found,” in her purse, as previously reported on Popcorn Etc… decides “Hey! What a good idea! Let me bring it out on the air during my radio station and pretend to get high. Yea I’m on probation, but it’s cool.” She gets reprimanded mid-show and suspended from the air.
Later, while summarizing for Kourt, she details that she “just threw it in my bag because I didn’t want people to think it was mine.” Wow. You’re smart.
She eventually decides to go back to the nude painting class. This time, it’s a nude woman. I think. Kourtney tells Les that she’s not bisexual but still wants to be friends. Do you hook up with guys before telling them you’re not interested but "let’s hang out?" I have a feeling that’s not the last we’ll see of Lesbian. Either that or Kourtney really is a dude and she gave the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, before never talking to Lesbian again. Well played, Kourt, well played.
Oh, and Kourtney’s show is back on the air. Didn’t see that coming (except in every preview on E!).
Daddy calls Angela and intervenes, telling her it is stupid to waste money on a hotel when you have an entire mansion to live in. So back at the house, she questions the exterminator about the Circle of Life. Do you eat meat, Angela? Pretty sure I’ve seen you eat a burger. After finally conceding, the exterminator tells the girls “you’re doing a good thing.” What a tool.
Spoiler alert: Mice are exterminated. Angela refuses to take off heels in house. Sorry.
What is with Stacey the Bartender and Holly Montag being BFF, or as they call each other "hubby and wifey"?? Didn't Heidi accuse Stacey of stealing her man and spend 3 episodes trashing her? This is either Holly acting out against Spencer...or an oversight of Heidi and Stacy's former feud.
"The show is, like, so lame and fake. He doesn't even want to be a part of it. They make up relationships when they're not there, and he just thinks it's lame. I've never seen the
show in my life. I have no idea what it's about. But he just thought it was cheesy."
Um..Paris...you may be familiar with a little show called "Paris Hilton's New BFF." You know, where you have completely real relationships with a bunch of strangers and ultimately pick one of them to be your "BFF" for the season. It's completely real and cheeseless. That must be why Doug appeared on several episodes.
Anyway..I bet Doug Reinhardt is really wishing his ex-and-current-girlfriend had kept her mouth closed. Might have saved him from disease and unemployment. Dougie is crawling back to MTV begging for a spot on the show, but to no avail. While newcomer Kristen Cavallari is making upwards of $65,000 per EPISODE, Doug just wants his old spot as unpaid groupie back.
Doug: Look, I know I've become real famous what with dating a reality star and all...but I'm willing to come back to the show.
MTV Producer: Nah, that's alright.
Doug: Ok, I'm willing to work for $10,000 an episode.
MTV Producer: Seriously, we're ok.
MTV Producer: *eye roll*
MTV Producer: *blank stare*
Doug: Ok, ok. Fine, I'll work for free.
MTV Producer: Listen guy
Doug: *interrupting, dropping to knees*
Ok, maybe that's not exactly how it happened. But I'm probably not that far off. What a joke.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Just thought I'd bring it to everyone's attention that Khloe Kardashian's twitter default photo is her mugshot. It's really refreshing to see public figures embracing their mistakes and learning from them.
PS. Khloe gets caught with cocaine this week on Khloe and Kourtney take Miami. But she just threw it in her purse after finding it in the store, so no harm done there. Although it was still in her posession...and she is still on probation for aforementioned DUI charge. Let's see how this plays out on Sunday. My guess is the whole thing is staged for the sake of ratings, similar to Kourtney's pregnancy...just a hunch though
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Last week Joey got drunk and slept through his shift. The rest of the episode is about whether or not he will be sent home. Isn't the entire show supposed to be based on 7 or 8 people drinking and fighting?? I just don't understand it. Let their entire lives revolve around how drunk and stupid they are going to act for the next 4 months.
Another thing about Real World..is nobody capable of being faithful to their significant other? Yes, I realize there are mass quantities of alcohol involved, but you can't spend 4 months without sex, sober or not? You're even allowed 1 conjugal visit during the time spent filming. I feel for the long distance partners of the world.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
For instance, I used to like mayonnaise. We had a long term relationship when I was younger. After repeated bad reactions, I now prefer mustard to mayo. If mustard starts making me sick..I will NOT go back to mayonnaise! It just isn't the sensible thing to do! So why, after being heartbroken, would a couple reunite simply based on the fact that they are both single? Sure, the occasional hookup may not be out of the question. I might have a little mayo with a BLT every now and then. But it would never become my favorite condiment again.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Dimitri: You are so very elegant
Dimitri: You are incredibly cute.
Dimitri: I'm a catch.
Dimitri: I realize you may not be used to such a fine man approaching you, but you have the opportunity to be with me.
Olga: Here's my business card. (big mistake)
Here are the voicemails that resulted in Olga shooing this man away by giving him her real number:
Lesson #1: No does not really mean no. If you are trying to pick a girl up and she's not having it, just assume it's because she doesn't want to make her friends jealous. She must be considerate and a good friend. Try harder.
Lesson #2: Explain to her what an opportunity it is to be seen with you. You are a real catch. Tell her this. Repeatedly.
Lesson #3: If she still resists, assume it is because she was abused as a child and has father issues. Tell her this is the reason she is not into you. It can only make her like you more.
Lesson #4: If you are finally getting the feeling it is not going to happen, tell her you do not go after timid women and that she is a game-player and you are no game show host. By playing hard to get, you can only make things better.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Life at the Mansion:
- Living and fornicating with a 83 year old man.
- Never allowed to leave the house without giving a detailed plan of where she would be at all times.
- Coming in last to the old man's other 2 girlfriends.
- Never had to be responsible for cooking or cleaning or bettering herself in general.
- Paid $1000 a week paycheck for her "job" as a girlfriend...I think there's a word for that?
- Have mini-mansions on both coasts.
- Dating a man her own age.
- Hank's only girlfriend.
- Marriage isn't a forbidden subject.
- Can have spontaneous sex without medicine.
- Husband is young enough for kids.
- The list goes on
- and on
- and on
So what's the problem Patti? Are you mad that you can't live vicariously through the life of a playmate anymore? Do you miss being catered to on the few occasions where Kendra was allowed to have guests? Do you not have enough faith in your daughter to take care of herself and be in a committed relationship?
As a matter of fact, were you the bum I saw sleeping right outside of the mansion gates? Take what you can get Patti, because without Kendra, you wouldn't have that new face and all the perks you get from her allowance. I've got it! You're afraid that the baby will get your share of Kendra's income? Well get with it woman. You're last week's leftovers.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Moving on...Mo spends the entire episode worrying about her older sister whom she has never met. She gets ahold of her phone number and makes plans to meet for lunch. The phone conversation is not caught on film, and when Mo is left alone at the restaurant, she is only informed via text message (45 minutes after meeting time). I'm beginning to think that this is all a part of Kita's master plan. She realized after last week that something would have to change if she was going to be with Terrell. So she dupes Mo into staying home, somehow gets rid of Pablo and ends up on a romantic date with Terrell in the middle of Niagara Falls. Of course, she puts on a huge scene, pretending that she doesn't want to go on the boat, but I see right through this act. Terrell in turn, picks her up and carries her onto the boat, where she holds onto him for dear life. Not very subtle, as even TO starts to pick up on it and tells her to shut up and act like she's been in public before. Very nice. She needed to be told.
After the boat ride, she surprises her "client" when she tells him they'll be spending the night nearby. They pull up to a tiny little bed & breakfast, where the old couple tells them they are completely booked except for 1 room. Of course. Plan is in action and Kita tells the couple and TO that she misunderstood but that they would deal with it. Until she realizes there is 2 beds and she still won't get to sleep with him. Perhaps realizing what she is up to, Terrell insists they stay so that Kita won't have a chance to find a 1 bed room. I am happy to say his standards are higher than I thought and I hope Kita gets canned for this little stunt. Leave her in Buffalo while you go ho it up in LA, TO!
Can't wait to see what happens next week when Mo finds out about Kita's little scheme. Mo could definitely take her.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The Happy List
- Pink & Carey Hart (Pink gets on my nerves and she's an angry little thing...but they make a cute couple and any married couple that legally seperates and then reunites is definitely on the happy list.)
- Kendra & Hank (Again, I'm an Eagles fan, but also an avid Girls Next Door fan and a huge follower of their new show. I love them together and while they seem to be opposites, I really hope they last.)
- Brian Austin Green & Megan Fox (I don't think these 2 are technically even together right now...but they're photographed holding hands every now and then...which means there's a chance! Some people may hate, but I'm a huge fan of 90210 reruns and David Silver bagging Megan Fox is huge! I hope it happens. Please God.)
Britney & KFed (Again, not technically together, but photographed once in a while. Kids are involved. Even though KFed might be a druggie and Brit is a psycho...it's better that they see the kids together than each get them alone.)
- Ashton & Demi [They've already outlived the Hollywood record of longest marriages (approximately) and I love how they're one big happy family with Bruce Willis. Even though her kids are old enough to be Ashton's mistress...they make it work and I wish them the best.]
- Sarah Michelle & Freddie Prinze (Anyone that actually spends their time on their relationship rather than seeing how much publicity you can get from it deserves to be together.)
- Teresa Giudice $ Joe Giudice (No that $ is not a typo. Real Housewives of NJ for those of you who don't know. They're wonderful. So in love, 3 beautiful daughters...I want to adopt Gia...deserve to be together for life.)
- Speidi [Any couple that refers to themselves as one, and in the third person, deserve to be humiliated and not allowed in public. Also, as I own every season of the Hills (they were all gifts...as well as on my wish list for every holiday/birthday), I get the immediate before and after clips of Heidi and, although she was kind of ditzy and unmotivated before Spencer...she's just a whore after. I hope she dumps him and gets her original face and body back and he is never to be spoken of again. In fact, I hope he is forced to wear her new nose and boobs as punishment.]
- Brangelina (Angelina's a whore. Can you tell I'm not a fan of infidelity? And Jen is so much better for him. Anyone who disagrees is a whore also.)
- Lauren Conrad and Kyle Howard [as much as I would like to see Lauren happy in a relationship for once...I just don't see it happening. She's still too young (10 days older than me...we share a sign, jealous?) This is only her first off-cam relationship. That's basically equivalent to a 7th grade relationship. You think it's real because it's the first time you feel anything (down there and otherwise) but she'll move on. Plus..that whole thing about Ryan Gosling hitting on her at a bar and Kyle wanting to fight the guy...PLEASE! Talk about 7th grade relationship. Sorry if not EVERYONE knows who you are and follow who you're dating, Lauren. Maybe he just thought you were some easy chick at a bar. (LOVE YOU LC)]
- Robo-Tomkat (It's just unnatural. She used to dream about him as a child. Really? That's what gets you going Tom? Are you even straight? Please stop reproducing for the sake of the America turning into that Will Smith robot movie.)
These are the couples I'm most opinionated about. Stay stuned to this post as it will be updated frequently. Also, opinions in agreement or disagreement are welcome as always.
But seriously. Your daughter has shut you out. You cry and cry and drip mascara tears all over the cameras, but you refuse to cut ties with your boy toy. This gets my wheels spinning. My first question is: Are you crying when the cameras aren't rolling? I initially thought yes because why wouldn't you wear waterproof makeup if you knew it would be running down your face in mass quantities. But then! I realized...you saw how much attention LC's mascara tear got on the Hills and you tried to up your stock. Well played Linda Hogan, well played.
Brooke. You used to be on my nerves..ALOT.. but since your song came out mocking Heidi Montag you went up in my book (it's a lime green spiral notebook from CVS where I rank my favorite celebrities in a variety of categories..Brooke is now number 3 under "Creative Ways to mock Speidi. 1 and 2 are Jonah Hill and LC, respectively). Anyway...Brooke, how are you ok with your dad dating your clone but you shun your mom for doing the same? Isn't that just as sick? To be fair, Hulk's female friend is 31 so she's allowed to stay out past 11pm...but she looks IDENTICAL to Brooke. Doesn't that make it pretty even? Maybe Charlie was your boyfriend first and that's the real reason you're not speaking to your mom?? Hmm...the plot thickens.
I have 3 predictions for the finale of Brooke Knows Best.
- Charlie and BrookeNumberTwo meet and fall in love, thus bringing the family back together and making room for Hulk to know better than Brooke again.
- Charlie calls Linda by Brooke's name and she realizes that he thought she was Brooke this whole time. Then Linda and Hulk get back together and adopt BrookeNumberTwo because BrookeNumberOne leaves the fam for Charlie.
- Hulk accidentally sleeps with Brooke, thinking she is BrookeNumberTwo, and they get married, making the title of the next season "Hulk and Brooke Together Know Best, Well at Least Better, Ok Maybe Worst."
What's your take?
Sidenote: How old is Brooke's roommate Glenn? I thought he was around 20-22, MAYBE 23. Because he is best friends/lives with 2 girls of that age. But now his ex (and only) girlfriend makes an appearance and she looks like she is 35! And then the girls mention the "80s prom picture." Is Glenn 40?? I am so confused but somehow this makes so much sense give the Hogan history with age. All the more hypocritical of Brooke. Linda should just tell Brooke that Charlie is her gay roommate.