Oh Dougie Dougie Dougie...Who do you think you are? Of COURSE nobody wants you.

Some of you may remember Paris Hilton trashing the Hills (on behalf of her then-and-now-again-boyfriend) a few months back.

"The show is, like, so lame and fake. He doesn't even want to be a part of it. They make up relationships when they're not there, and he just thinks it's lame. I've never seen the
show in my life. I have no idea what it's about. But he just thought it was cheesy."

Um..Paris...you may be familiar with a little show called "Paris Hilton's New BFF." You know, where you have completely real relationships with a bunch of strangers and ultimately pick one of them to be your "BFF" for the season. It's completely real and cheeseless. That must be why Doug appeared on several episodes.

Anyway..I bet Doug Reinhardt is really wishing his ex-and-current-girlfriend had kept her mouth closed. Might have saved him from disease and unemployment. Dougie is crawling back to MTV begging for a spot on the show, but to no avail. While newcomer Kristen Cavallari is making upwards of $65,000 per EPISODE, Doug just wants his old spot as unpaid groupie back.

Doug: Look, I know I've become real famous what with dating a reality star and all...but I'm willing to come back to the show.

MTV Producer: Nah, that's alright.

Doug: Ok, I'm willing to work for $10,000 an episode.

MTV Producer: Seriously, we're ok.

Doug: $5,000.

MTV Producer: *eye roll*

Doug: $50

MTV Producer: *blank stare*

Doug: Ok, ok. Fine, I'll work for free.

MTV Producer: Listen guy

Doug: *interrupting, dropping to knees* PLEASE! I will pay you! I'll do whatever it takes. I'm sorry I told Paris to say those things, I just wanted her to think I was cool! But now I'm broke with no job and I just rented a private island to win her back! *escorted out by security*

Ok, maybe that's not exactly how it happened. But I'm probably not that far off. What a joke.